What do I want to do?
I hate it when things fall into my lap that I just applied for fun. And then I actually get it. And now I don't know if I want to do it. Basically I got this internship thing in this consultancy firm that will run during my uni semester. The thing is I'm not interested in consultancy and I've already got a fair bit on my plate.
But putting time management aside, I face the question I always ask myself when I have to do these things.
Why do I want to do it? People say hey! It's a great opportunity! Do it! But really, why do something just because it's a great opportunity? If you hate fishing and fishing were a sport that brought in money, just because you had a scholarship to go fishing doesn't mean you take it up right? Putting aside situations where you're dying of starvation and any scholarship that puts food in your mouth is acceptable of course.
So then I usually reach the question of is it really a question of just trying everything and taking up these opportunities, or is it because society tells me I should? If my philosophy in life is to focus on what I'm interested in and not go doing everything, then shouldn't I just do what I want and not waste my time doing other things? Even if it does mean in my case that I really won't replace that with anything else since I don't have other things in the field I'm actually interested in atm to replace this internship. In which case isn't it better for me to have free time and just enjoy life until what I really want to do comes along and I can plunge into it with zeal?
Why do I have to feel guilty about not taking up an opportunity? Just because most people would pounce upon it and hence I should too??
I don't want to end up with a life where I constantly make myself do things I don't want to do simply because most people think it's a good idea to do these things. I don't want to start compromising on what I want out of my life and then go be unable to turn back once I've gone down that slippery slope. I just want to be happy. I want to have time to day dream. I want to have time to take quiet walks and not have 1 million and 1 things bothering me.
But then on the other hand the other part of me says, are you sure it's not just that you're lazy? Are you sure it's not because you're running away from the hard work required to be the best you can be? Are you forgoing an opportunity to reach your full potential? Is the truth that you're scared you can't handle all of this?
And if it isn't laziness, then which is more important? Having more time to enjoy my university days and the beautiful life of a university student, or working like a dog now, when I'm going to be working like a dog for the rest of my life any way?
Is it REALLY that important for me to have that damn job on my resume? Is the sacrifice now for more money earlier in my life really worth it? Or will I be okay with starting lower down now then working my way up? What order do I want my life to be?
And putting all that aside, assuming I can't order my life to start in a big firm first, or start small and work my way up, then focussing on just the now: Do I want to enjoy my last (hopefully) sem in uni in a blissful free manner or do I want to 'enjoy' it being some career minded woman, always having things on her plate. Who am I? What type am I? Why do some people enjoy feeling like they've got so much to do? Why can't they just enjoy having time to breathe?
There are times in my life when I feel I want to do more, so I join this and that. But when I do these things then I feel I want to go back to my carefree life. And really the only time I was happy doing more was/is just recently when I was doing this investment banking case study competition and it was something I have actually been really interested about. And all the extra meetings required to discuss it were actually things I looked foward to doing. So the question is is that the right thing to do? That when nothing of interest comes along I don't do it. But when something of interest comes along then I do it? Seems pretty obvious but the problem is sometimes you don't know what is of interest to you until you do it. Which brings me back to my problem. I've never done consultancy before. How do I know I really don't care about it? But then if it turns out I hate it, how do I extricate myself from the situation?
But putting time management aside, I face the question I always ask myself when I have to do these things.
Why do I want to do it? People say hey! It's a great opportunity! Do it! But really, why do something just because it's a great opportunity? If you hate fishing and fishing were a sport that brought in money, just because you had a scholarship to go fishing doesn't mean you take it up right? Putting aside situations where you're dying of starvation and any scholarship that puts food in your mouth is acceptable of course.
So then I usually reach the question of is it really a question of just trying everything and taking up these opportunities, or is it because society tells me I should? If my philosophy in life is to focus on what I'm interested in and not go doing everything, then shouldn't I just do what I want and not waste my time doing other things? Even if it does mean in my case that I really won't replace that with anything else since I don't have other things in the field I'm actually interested in atm to replace this internship. In which case isn't it better for me to have free time and just enjoy life until what I really want to do comes along and I can plunge into it with zeal?
Why do I have to feel guilty about not taking up an opportunity? Just because most people would pounce upon it and hence I should too??
I don't want to end up with a life where I constantly make myself do things I don't want to do simply because most people think it's a good idea to do these things. I don't want to start compromising on what I want out of my life and then go be unable to turn back once I've gone down that slippery slope. I just want to be happy. I want to have time to day dream. I want to have time to take quiet walks and not have 1 million and 1 things bothering me.
But then on the other hand the other part of me says, are you sure it's not just that you're lazy? Are you sure it's not because you're running away from the hard work required to be the best you can be? Are you forgoing an opportunity to reach your full potential? Is the truth that you're scared you can't handle all of this?
And if it isn't laziness, then which is more important? Having more time to enjoy my university days and the beautiful life of a university student, or working like a dog now, when I'm going to be working like a dog for the rest of my life any way?
Is it REALLY that important for me to have that damn job on my resume? Is the sacrifice now for more money earlier in my life really worth it? Or will I be okay with starting lower down now then working my way up? What order do I want my life to be?
And putting all that aside, assuming I can't order my life to start in a big firm first, or start small and work my way up, then focussing on just the now: Do I want to enjoy my last (hopefully) sem in uni in a blissful free manner or do I want to 'enjoy' it being some career minded woman, always having things on her plate. Who am I? What type am I? Why do some people enjoy feeling like they've got so much to do? Why can't they just enjoy having time to breathe?
There are times in my life when I feel I want to do more, so I join this and that. But when I do these things then I feel I want to go back to my carefree life. And really the only time I was happy doing more was/is just recently when I was doing this investment banking case study competition and it was something I have actually been really interested about. And all the extra meetings required to discuss it were actually things I looked foward to doing. So the question is is that the right thing to do? That when nothing of interest comes along I don't do it. But when something of interest comes along then I do it? Seems pretty obvious but the problem is sometimes you don't know what is of interest to you until you do it. Which brings me back to my problem. I've never done consultancy before. How do I know I really don't care about it? But then if it turns out I hate it, how do I extricate myself from the situation?
posted by A.Yu at 7:03 PM
1 Comments:
KT here. Finally remember to write this haha.
I guess look at the situation. My instinct will say take it to see what it's like if it won't take up too much time, but what you wrote about the slippery slope does strike a chord. I've no idea when I got on it, but it's really pretty hard to get out of once you're on. I think the only way you can really make your own decision is to just do what feels right to you. Or flip a coin- before the coin falls, you'll always know what your decision is :P.
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